BOLUS HISTORY

Its 4:36am. I had my alarm set to check Maddison after a night of swimming until
10pm with the neighbors. The CGM reads 89------with a nice flat line. Actual BS is 49, with .3 units still working. .3 units still working? WHAT? I check back through the pump history and what I see I still cant believe......

Last bolus, 29c at 2:23am. UMMMMMM.....Maddison DID NOT eat ANYTHING at 2:23am. I was asleep at 2:23am. HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET INSULIN FOR 29C AT 2:23AM!??!!!????!!

DANGEROUS. SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS FRICKIN DANGEROUS. I dont know what just happened, but I'm pretty freaked out.

Getting There

Those first crazy stressful days of swim training are behind us. Today we had a day off, but tomorrow we are back to the pool. Yesterday Maddison was stable in the
140's during swim. Afterward she spiked a bit to the 210 mark, came down, then hoovered in the 280-300 range again while sleeping. I think I may be cutting back her basal too much (20%)when she sleeps....maybe not. Maybe it really is a weird Adrenaline after swim thing that is keeping her high. Who knows. All I know is night time is the hardest. I'm fearful of lows when she sleeps, so its hard to make the right decision when my paranoid mind worries that I should prevent the lows (reducing basals) rather that treat them when I see them......becuase WHAT IF I dont catch them? I'm just doing what makes sense right now, but unfortunetly the sleeping hours dont make sense!

After chasing highs all night, Maddison woke up at 100. She hit 67 within an hour after breakfast despite a 50% reduction in her basals and a ratio increase from 1:13to 1:15, which means I still have some adjusting to do. She did great all day after I got the low back up (thanks to the CGM) ....her basal is down to .10 per hour!! Thats 50% of what she used to need during the day!

Funny thing...I made sure Maddison wanted to swim today in our pool right around the normal swim training time. It just made sense. I feel like if I keep every day with the same swim schedule for this first week or two I can adjust things so much faster based on routine. So swim she did. WEIRDNESS struck. 297 after swimming, even though she started at 156 (.3 active) and had 15c of Gatorade with a cheese stick. The days are never the same, even though we try to replicate what we've done and learned! Now its Midnight and Maddison's low (67) with .3 active. Go figure. Last night I reduced basals and she was too high, now tonight I didnt and she's too low. Imagine that. :( Long night ahead!

I'm feeling much more confident and less dramatic about this whole swim team stuff. Amazing what a little sleep will do. :) We have NOTHING planned in the morning, except for me sleeping in. Kind of. I still have to wake up and chase or check blood sugars, but I WILL stay in bed until 10!! My goal for the day is ME! Friday for ME!

I myself didnt wake up scary low last night either. I made several changes in my pump settings to avoid lows overnight. I went to bed at 175 to be safe and woke up at 140. SAFE. No scary low and not terribly high. Taking it slow right now. Thats all I can do. Getting "there" a little more every day.

Speaking Too Soon

If you say it, Diabetes will change it. Haven't we all learned this by now? Yesterdays victory over swimming highs was short lived. Like, just a couple hours. Dinner brought low after low once again. How was I supposed to know Maddison would be low instead of high like yesterday?

The CGM sensor plopped out, right to the ground after Maddison's bath! I guess thats what I get for letting it "breathe" before applying new bandages. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. How can a 1.5 inche sensor just plop out? I was on my own to watch lows. Back to old school finger pokes every 15 minutes. Lows continued for 2 hours despite a decreased basal rate and multiple double low treatments. Did I mention Maddison was sleeping? Asleep again early. Those laps are really making her tired, as Im sure the lows are.

After the first hour of lows I began to panic inside. How the hell can I trust Maddison to be safe through the night? Do I need to get her to 200? 250? to keep her alive until morning? How do I know when and where her muscles and liver are going to steal back what glucose she does have in her blood? Obviously this was already happening, but what if these lows are just the beginning? What if I'm deep asleep at 3am and don't wake up for my alarm? What if WE are the parents that next grieve for their child who passed in the night because Diabetes and exercise are an incredibly tricky balance? Josh and I talked for quite awhile about these scary realities. Its hard to grasp that this could really happen. But, they can and have too often this past year, as we all have heard.

Needless to say, I couldnt sleep last night. Maddison ended up at 250 again all night, which was welcome after all the low nonsense. I finally fell asleep around
2am. Again at 4am I was woken by my own low. 32. THIRTY FREAKIN TWO. Scratch what I said in yesterdays post about the low I thought was going to do me in. This low, was my lowest ever and I do believe I saw the light! My entire body was numb, freezing cold. It was a total out of body experience. I sat at the kitchen counter slurping down gatorade frantically, yet at a slow pace because I couldnt hold up the bottle. I almost had to lie down on the floor, I just didnt have any strength left in my body. I swear things turned black for a second or two. I couldnt see. After what seemed like an eternity, I was able to roll back into Maddisons room and check her blood sugar. 260. That worked for me at that point. Safe. I crawled in bed with Maddison and held her tight, cherishing every moment.

By day 2 of no sleep I begin to feel irrational and super tearful. That would be today. We will see what the day holds. I'm still foggy minded after my terrible low. I feel drained. Entirely drained.

The Day After

All day today Maddison trended low low low. I expected this after swimming yesterday, weird how just that hour of intense exercise changes EVERYTHING. THANK GOODNESS for the CGM! All day today we avoided what would have been some very nasty persistent lows, all because this little piece of medical technology. I LOVE YOU CGM!!

Last night was horrid. I couldn't get Maddison under 250 for ANYTHING. She conked out early after her swim meet, eyes glossy and exhausted from the highs. Poor girl. I stayed up until midnight correcting her BS hourly, even after a site change. Of course, what I was fearing by midnight was the blood sugar drops since swimming was 6 hours prior. Usually 6-12 hours after activity the lows hit hard. Not last night! CGM showed a flat line at 250-280. I was up at 1am, and 230am. Still flat lines. Meter verified. Stuck in the 250's. At 4am Maddison's CGM alarm was again blaring, when I realized I was seriously low. Heart pounding. Sweaty. Confused. 42. A horrible night all around. I remember popping 2 glucose tabs after staggering into the kitchen. I kept thinking this was it. I was too late. I thought I'd wake up in the ER for sure. I sucked down an unknown amount of juice, and the next thing I knew I was waking up for my 530 alarm. SCARY. I'm not sure how I made it back to bed, but I do remember my mind repeating over and over "Stay awake, you need to recheck." Apparently I didn't stay awake, and today I'm thankful I'm alright! That could have been bad! (Josh worked at midnight last night, no one to help me if I needed!) I woke up at a nice 102 this morning. -Whew!-

So anyway, morning came too fast today. Not sure how I made it out of bed being so exhausted. Maddison was FINALLY coming down under 200. She was starving by 8am. Maddison has been having alot of tummy pain and not eating well, especially after the vomiting episode last week. So, I was cautious of bolusing breakfast for that reason plus SWIMMING! I kept my eye on the CGM every 20 minutes starting with Maddison's breakfast bolus. I just knew that lows were coming. And, there it was right away. 20 minutes after eating the CGM showed a 150 with double down arrows. CRAP. I gave Maddison 4c of juice, hoping to bump her up. NOPE. 15 minutes later her meter showed 110 with double down arrows. WTF?!! By now I was wise enough to see that swimming has gone and changed EVERYTHING. I decreased her basal. I gave her 15c. CGM shows 74. Slowly, the 74 trended upwards. Did I mention I LOVE YOU CGM!!? Two hours later Maddison was in the 80's again. 15 more carbs. She hung out in the 90's until lunch. Thats alot of extra carbs. Same thing after lunch. Multiple times the CGM alarmed to an impending low, and we caught them ALL.

Then comes swim class again tonight. CRAP. Today is another story. Maddison's 80. There goes my plan. I begin to panic inside! Now what do I do if she's already been low all day!? I can see where this is going! Zero active. 12c of fruit. One scoop of PB. 127. Ummmmmm......I chickened out and didnt give basal up front for Maddison being disconnected during swim. She hung out at 126. 20 minutes after swimming started she was 158. I actually RELAXED. She sipped Gatorade a few times over the hour. She left the pool at 126. Did you hear me cheering over there in your neck of the woods? *EVIL VOICE* SCREW YOU DIABETES!! I DID BETTER ON DAY 2!!! Reconnected right after swimming. Bolused .2 missed basal. An hour later, 197. I'll take it. So, who knows what tonight will hold....BUT, I feel SO MUCH BETTER ALREADY!! Maybe I really CAN do this without losing my mind!

Day 1 Swim Practice

I can finally breathe. Man, that was a stressful first swim practice! Not because of lows. Not because of highs. Simply because I didn't know what to expect. Would Maddison crash quickly? Would she feel it? How much are they going to swim? I gave Maddison her snack without insulin and what if they just sit around and blow bubbles? Then I'll have to pull her aside and give insulin in front of all the gawking eyes. Which would then cause all the kids to question. Which would then make Maddison feel different. Which would break my heart. Diabetes is so hard.

My plan worked out perfectly to start. I made sure Maddison had her lunch timed right so she wouldn't have any active insulin working from food by the time she was hitting the pool. A perfect 160 to swim, no insulin working. A flat line on the CGM. I really lucked out! My brilliant idea? Chocolate and Peanut Butter. Both work magic in keeping Maddison's numbers steady, without a spike. I bought 10c mini M&M packets the other day. PERFECT carb amount to swim. Maddison added the M&M's SO happily to her peanut butter scoop. I just had to smile. Arriving at the pool CGM reads 201. Perfect for 45 minutes of constant lap swimming. Off goes the pump. SHIT. Do I bolus the basal she is going to miss over the next hour? No. I didn't. I REALLY SHOULD HAVE! What the hell was I thinking!!??

20 minutes after strokes started, Maddison raised her hand to flag me down. She felt low. Here we go. I could feel ALL eyes on me as I walked over to the edge of the pool. There had to be 60 parents there. I could feel ALL the eyes. Every single pair. That really sucks, and, it sucks EVEN MORE that in a second they will be staring at my sweet little 9yr old as I poke her finger. My heart was palpitating. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be low!!! 238. Nope. Must be the rapid heart rate from laps that is making her feel low. Maybe she's nervous. Maybe she's worried that she is going to go low. Stupid freaking Diabetes. You suck. Can't my girl just swim!!? Then all the kids started to ask questions. "Whats that?" Maddison's only reply was "NOTHING." It used to be that Maddison would proudly explain. Not so much anymore. Sometimes, you just want some damn privacy. My heart was broken.

Maddison had a BLAST. She swam her little heart out. That's all that really matters. I'm pretty irritated that our pump isn't waterproof, and that the CGM cant communicate if you are over 8ft away from the pump. The CGM is useless during swimming, but AFTER......I'm in LOVE.

Now, do I bolus the missed basal? Bolus half after all that workout? Maddisons blood sugar was 238 when class was over. OH. SHIT. I can see it coming. All the past summer swim chaos is flooding my mind. Now comes the high. Is it an adrenaline high? Is it the liver giving back after such a workout? Did a tiny .2 missed basal cause this craziness? Two up arrows. Do I correct in full or will Maddison crash because all that exercise? I correct in full. 268. 289. 330. The CGM shows me exactly where this is going, which helps me make the educated decision to bolus aggressively and not worry about a low at this point. No, the low will come later. Like, in 6-12 hours. As in, when my sweet Maddison is sleeping. 362 with two up arrows. Fabulous. Now Maddison feels sick. She wont eat or drink. Good move Mom. Now look what you did. !!!!!!!!

We are now at 2 hours after swimming. Ive bolused and bolused according to what the pump suggests, every half hour. 389. Can I just say I FREAKING HATE YOU DIABETES!!! So much for the plan hugh?

Tomorrows plan. Hmmmm.....I'll start with bolusing the basal that will be missed BEFORE we take the pump off. Less carbs for swimming? Bolus half? No Chocolate? Maybe a different food? How the HELL am I supposed to know? Try it again this very same way and see if anything is different? Whats the deal? Am I supposed to bolus insulin after each swim meet expecting this high? Turn up her basal? What if the high doesn't come next time? Then what? Where's the damn book on how to be a pancreas anyway? Ladies?

Summer!

Today was Maddison's last day of 3rd grade! Adios! Goodbye! On to 4th grade we go! Could it be, just like that Diabetes changes? The excitement of summer? The relief of school pressures? Seems like it to me! As of this morning at 11am when the school bell rang, we started chasing lows. Low after low after low. Interesting!

Our afternoon today was spent doing our traditional first day of Summer shop for swimsuits! We met Josh for lunch, it was NICE just to be out and around with BOTH my girls. Hannah tends to be a stranger these days. Always with her friends! I'm feeling a bit neglected! Hannah also had her first sand Volleyball tournament tonight. Thank goodness it was a "cool" 90 degrees when they started, that wont last long. In the next couple weeks I'll be sweating to death out there! Hannah and her partner took 4th tonight. Not bad for just getting back on the sand courts. Sand is TOUGH, but these girls LOVE IT!

Guess what I got? FLAT LINES!!! Actually, if I'm not low, I have flat lines! There they are all day on the CGM and even overnight. Today I flatlined at 83-87 for THREE HOURS!! Maybe getting rid of that bad tooth was what I needed to gain back some D control. SHEESH! Now if I can just make a few more adjustments to basals I should get rid of all the lows following me. :)

Last night proved to be very hard to sleep. It wasn't really pain in my jaw that was the worst (though I would say it was a 8 on the pain scale!) it was the pain in my ear and down my neck. You know me. Paranoid! I was sure I was getting an infection spreading all through my body from this dang tooth. I was sure Diabetes was causing some serious complications with healing. Somehow I managed to fall asleep between pain surges. I just popped a few Ibuprofen today and I was good to go. A much better way to start the Summer!

I'm SO ready for SUMMER. Not so much for swim team that starts next week though. As always, we have alot going on this summer! Hannah is going on a cruise with her Auntie who JUST finished her Ph.d (SO PROUD OF YOU) as their promotion and graduation gift. Hannah's Vball team is also going to the NATIONALS tournaments in Reno. My Mom is retiring, which means the girls and I will be able to spend some much needed time with her. We have plans to paint her house, buy some new furniture and do some fun decorating stuff. All the while, we will be healing our broken hearts together. My Niece is Graduating high school and will be coming from Germany to attend NAU....lots of fun stuff this year being crammed in around swim team and sand volleyball. Summer....WE ARE READY!

Ouch. Oh Dear. Good News.

I've still been emotional! Silly tears are coming in an instant without warning! I feel like such a sap! Earlier last week it was the whole D blogging world that had me turned upside down, along with worrying about Maddison's Endo visit and concerns of growth failure. And, thrown in there was a touch of nervously awaiting Hannah's
8th grade promotion. I just cant BELIEVE my Hannah is going to high school!!! Thats enough to make me teary eyed....proud...excited for the next steps in life....but YIKES! Oh, and then the tooth pain hit. -Sigh- I've put this off for a long time. (tooth that had a root canal that was never crowned) Dental insurance is the worst of the worst, which makes me want to cry when I see the cost of what I need to have done on top of our other medical expenses. My tooth pain struck in the midst of all this craziness which made me irritable and sleepless....which made me even more teary eyed in the drop of a hat!

So, the good news is, Maddison's bone growth has almost caught up! She is only delayed by about 9months-1yr now instead of the 2yrs 9 months at last check. This indicates she is a "late bloomer" rather than facing a growth hormone issue. THANK YOU JESUS!! Now I just need to decide if I really think the Endoscopy is necessary. Hmmmmmm........I think I'll ask about vitamin deficiencies first.

Hannah's promotion was last night. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!

I absolutely adore all her friends and the parents are all awesome. Promotion was a ton of fun and I didnt even tear up! Afterwards we took Hannah with the family to dinner at Ah-So, her favorite Japanese Tepinyaki restaurant.

((Hannah and my Mom))
YUM! Even with all the excitement going on I kept wishing how my Dad was here to see Hannah off to high school. It seems when I get overwhelmed with ANYTHING it leads back to me terribly missing my Dad and remembering all the horror he/we went through those 25 days of hell in the hospital. -Sigh-

Hannah had 8 girlfriends sleepover last night for a little promotion party and they all ran around in the cul-de-sac with the neighbor boys while Dad had a beer (or two) with the adults. OH DEAR! They didnt come in until 4am!! YES, 4am!! YIKES. I dont know WHAT Dad was thinking, the cops even came to ask why there was a bunch of teens in the streets! But it was all innocent fun. They played Volleyball, ran from house to house and played some good old hide and seek. (which they call ditch 'em)

I however was TRYING to sleep. Maddison still had school today and my tooth was about to explode. I'm pretty darn pain tolerant, but I freak a little with tooth pain. I despise the Dentist. HORRID past experiences with hitting nerves. Yeah. Not good. So, today I went in to see the scary no good Dentist and they ended up informing me that my tooth was infected to the jaw bone and needed to be extracted. (my back molar thank goodness!) FABULOUS. My CGM had already caught 2 morning lows and I was a mess by then. Tears. I was feeling low again! Tears always come a bit too easy when I'm low. I didnt have any juice in my purse. NOTHING but one tab left with the Dentist staring down my throat. Long story short...I was sent to get antibiotics and Percocet and told to come back at 2pm for the extraction.

Low again. It was noon and I still hadnt eaten anything. Went home, ate, slept for
30 min and went back for my Appt. This Dentist was a JERK. No eye contact. He treated me like a number. He had no concern of my Diabetes or the fact that I was worried about going low again. All he kept saying was "you'll be fine." That was it. Silence. I checked my CGM as I waited for the numbing injections to take effect. 168. Ummm.... That could go anywhere after the day I've had with lows! Have you ever had a tooth pulled? I felt no pain at all, but the "tugging" is enough to make you freak out. Then came the drill to "polish off" my jaw bone where the infection started to spread. THAT was HORRIBLE!!! No pain...but FREAKY!!! Over and done in 30 minutes. You should have SEEN what the CGM showed in that 30 minute time frame! I went from 168 to 130 with 2 down arrows within 10 minutes. Then from 130 to 286 by the time the torture was over!!!!!!!!

My face is swollen. I'm numb up to my ears. I'm starving. I just popped a Percocet which is starting to whack me out. I never take pain meds because I hate how they make me feel. Kinda lowish. Dizzy. Slow. I've had many surgeries and avoid taking meds, but give me tooth pain and I MUST take the meds! In my paranoid mind I'm imagining this infection spreading and putting me in the hospital on an IV antibiotic drip. When I worked in the ER years back I saw a patient that had the WORST facial swelling from a bad tooth. I will ALWAYS remember her. Poor girl spent over a week in the hospital....from a tooth!! Ok....time to go....this medication is making me want to puke....I think I need applesauce. CGM says 268. Oh geez!

Results

Maddison's lab work came back surprisingly fine, Dr D was shocked. We can't understand how her Thyroid levels are good, despite her symptoms and weight gain. We were both sure the problem laid within the Thyroid. Its good to hear Maddison's HDL (good cholesterol) is 90, which in my understanding means she is "protected" as far as a heart health where Diabetes is concerned. THANK GOD. We are still waiting for Maddison's bone age result....in years past Maddison's bone age was delayed by almost 3 years. No surprise since she was considered "failure to thrive" starting at age 5 months. (I was breast feeding after having masses removed that minimized milk production!)

So, here we are back to square one. No antibodies for Celiac either. BUT, Dr D and I discussed the need for an Endoscopy because Maddison never follows the books and never has shown any Diabetes antibodies either. -Sigh- I called to schedule the scope right after speaking to Dr D. Not a fun way to start your summer!

All the symptoms Maddison has are NOT normal. Tiredness, a decreased mental work capacity, weakened concentration and memory, irritability and depression. Dental enamel defects....Stomach aches, headaches, constipation, skin irritations....All symptoms point to Celiac but I cant help but hope maybe its something easier. Maybe Maddison has a vitamin deficiency? That would be much easier to handle than Celiac, for sure. So, here I am today feeling more confused than ever. I was hoping to find an answer so we could correct the issue and move forward. -Sigh-

Feeling It

Ok, big breath. Big realization. I'm hoping I'm mostly over my drama of emotions related to swimming, a cure and every other topic that blogging Diabetes week has brought to surface. I think I'm done crying now. I can really drown myself in the emotions! It took me some time to realize why I'm so dang emotional and teary eyed this week. (Besides STILL waiting for lab results) D blogging week has left me feeling so many different emotions all bundled into one! (on top of PMS which always makes me crazy) I was continually enlightened all week when reading other posts on D blogging week. Uplifted, encouraged, I never imagined I could feel so surrounded by others that live this very same life! I've had to think ALOT about Diabetes this week. I've read ALOT about so many others lives with this disease. Bitter sweet. Very bittersweet.

I must say, what really triggered my emotions was "Diabetes snapshots" on day 6 of blog week. SEEING Diabetes as a visual....it just did me in. Traci, when I saw this picture of Zane @ diagnosis I lost it. Really. All the emotions of Diabetes that we bury as parents came bursting out. I dont know how you do it! I don't know how Moms handle D in such young children! You are all AMAZINGLY strong women!! I cannot tell you how many times I think about how fortunate we are that Maddison was diagnosed older, at age 6 with Diabetes. We also were blessed to avoid DKA and catch Diabetes early. I can't imagine what someone goes through hearing your babies were in DKA, so close to death. My heart aches for every child with Diabetes. The younger ones....the tiny ones..... It sickens me. I cant imagine Diabetes in toddlers or babies, I just CANT.

And then Chasiti....your picture of Alivia's diagnosis...I can see she's strapped on an ambulance stretcher arriving in the ER. My heart just shattered.
I hear the stories all the time. Addy's diagnosis story still haunts me too. SEEING these pictures and knowing how that day felt for both you as the parents and the child....its been too much for me to take in without a serious purge of pent up emotions. So, purge I did. I've cried alot since Diabetes snapshots on Saturday. I've cried for all the kids with Diabetes. All the Moms, the Dads, the Sisters and Brothers, the families. We all know Diabetes effects the whole family. I've cried for myself. For the adults. For my Maddison. For my Dad. Oh, how Diabetes week has resurfaced the loss of my Dad. I've cried it all out, and now I feel better, time to move on. Thank you KARENfor bringing us D blog week!

A Cure

Dream a little dream about Life After A Cure. To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.

OK, so....now I'm crying like a baby. After the MOST difficult swimming day/night yesterday, I'm a freaking MESS. I can't gather my emotions. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm scared. That post is to follow, a Cure? This really hurts my heart right about now. I want SO badly to stop this crazy disease. SO BADLY. Today more than ever. Let me begin to imagine how "easy" and carefree life would again be with a CURE.....

Oh my Sweet Maddison....I would never again tell you to stop swimming. NEVER AGAIN. You could swim your heart out. No glucose tabs. No juice. No finger pokes. I'd sit and watch you swim for hours, WITHOUT worry in my heart. I'd sleep through the night, not fearing you'd have a seizure or never wake up come morning. I'd no longer dread birthday parties, jumpies or trampolines. I'd love them as every parent should. You'd get to go to sleep overs with your friends without a second thought. You'd never come inside after running with your friends because you feel sick when a low sends you crashing to the ground. You'd just play like all the rest. Without lows.

Never again would a simple cold bring so much pain and hurting to your body. No more 200's, 300's or HI's just because your body cant fight illness like everyone else. No more site changes in the middle of the night. No more vomiting because ketones take over. No more crying after you've had one of those days that you are tired of it all. No more swollen eyes for me when I cry all night FOR YOU. No more climbing in bed because your blood sugars have been running high and you have no energy left after school.

We'd have the biggest party EVER. We would dance. You could eat anything you wanted, without having to ask me first. No more pump attached to your body. No more stares from curious eyes. No more mean comments from strangers. I'd never again set an alarm for every hour or two in the night or wee hours of morning. I'd be worry free. Free from the pain in my heart that haunts me when I think about the possibility of complications in your future. Free from the guilt I feel when something goes wrong. A Cure? Life would be carefree again, and my heart would again be whole.

When Swimming Isnt Planned

Yesterday we had just returned home after volunteering when Maddison felt low. 80. Not really low, but time to eat lunch. No plans the rest of the afternoon. Fed lunch as Maddison eyeballed the left over cookies from Paradise Bakery. A good time to add a cookie to the mix, so I bolus 50c for the GIANT Snickerdoodle. Then someone is knocking at the door. My heart stops. I know that knock. Its Maddison's BFF across the street. My mind starts racing!! OH NO!!! THEY WANT MADDISON TO COME SWIM!!! Seriously, I do believe my heart stopped. Maddison was lowish but now has 4.1 units active and wants to SWIM. SWIM!!!

Can I PLEASE just say NO to swimming? Can we PLEASE just wait until that lunch insulin bolus is worn off? No, not really. Life happens now. So, Maddison hits the pool with her buddies at 168. 4.1 units active. GASP. 27c of Capri Sun like all the other girls have...a super sugary cookie was JUST eaten....she SHOULD be good for an hour right? Not so much.

Maddison was 68 30 min later....with all that active insulin!!! I dont know what it is about swimming. Is it the dual action of arms and legs at one time? Is it the cardio of swimming laps? If we knew Maddison planned to swim I would have bolused FAR LESS insulin for what she ate, if anything! Insulin is TURBO CHARGED by exercise alone....but swimming? Swimming is our enemy. 15c juice. 82. 4 glucose tabs. 79. Gatorade. 128. Add in some Peanut Butter for staying power. My heart races as I try to look as though I'm not bothered at all by the chaos of numbers headed our way. All I could picture was having to pull Maddison's lifeless body out of the pool in front of her little friends. Insulin that is working just too fast, its DANGEROUS. I'm not being dramatic here people. I ask Maddison to please, sit in the Jacuzzi a few minutes so her BS can come up. (I'm sure the HEAT of the Jacuzzi wasn't in our favor either!) Maddison complained, but agreed. 5 min later she's swept away by her friends pool game and diving back into the pool. UGH.

By now its about 1.5 hours after Maddison ate. You know what that means. The 2hr mark is approaching. 2hrs after dosing insulin is when it starts to "peak" for Maddison. Meaning....insulin is working its hardest and fastest to bring blood sugar down. I'm watching with overwhelming stress as Maddison swim laps with her friends, playing some kind of crazy game that girls play. Maddison is having a blast, but soon enough my Diabetes radar says she is looking a bit drained. 54. At the 2hr mark. Where the HELL did her lunch and cookie go!!??

4 glucose tabs. 15c of juice. Gatorade and another 27c Capri Sun. My mind is picturing that 54 plummeting to a 24 or a 14. I want to puke at this point. I sit and chit chat with the neighbors instead, even though I really want to cry. I want to scream. I feel a lump in my throat. And then, all the girls climb out of the pool and decide swim time is done. I COULDNT BE HAPPIER!! THANK GOD!! Now off to play in the Cul-de-sac. 90 with .8 active.

WHY CANT MY GIRL JUST SWIM WITHOUT THIS FEAR?!! WITHOUT DIABETES TAKING OVER!!?? WHY!!?? Swim team is fast approaching. Lesson learned, no active insulin can be working when Maddison steps foot into that pool for training. If only it were that easy. If only Diabetes followed some kind of rules.

Maddison trended low all night last night even with a reduced basal rate and super protein rich snack. I wanted to crawl under the covers and cry. Well, I did actually...after setting my alarm for every two hours. All the what ifs. What if I didnt catch those lows while Maddison was swimming? What if our night was spent hooked up to a D5 drip in the ER? What if Maddison seized while swimming and DROWN? That is a very sad reality for me right now. It could have happened. It could. If I didnt catch those lows, it would have.

Swim team. Maddison wants to swim, and I cant say no just because Diabetes is there. Its up to me to figure it out. Its up to me to manage this. Its up to me to catch the lows. Is it wrong that I feel totally overwhelmed right now? Angry? Fearful? I can plan for swimming, yes. But that doesn't mean Maddison will be safe. That doesnt mean Diabetes will cooperate or even be predictable.

I'm not sure how the whole swim team thing goes. I know Maddison will "train" Monday through Thursday, a straight hour of lap training. I could slap on the CGM. I WILL slap on the CGM...but what am I supposed to do? Walk up and down the pool side while she swims her laps trying to keep the pump near the sensor so it doesn't lose communication? I don't want to have to stop her from swimming in front of all the other kids to check her blood sugar. I don't want to have to make her chew glucose tabs and ask her to stop swimming because she is low. I just want her to swim damn it! I don't want to run her in the 300's and cause damage to her body to assure she is safe from lows. I might just have to. Then again, if she's too high she can't compete well. She won't have the energy to swim her best. Diabetes is SO NOT FAIR.

And the day of the swim meet? Double the gawking eyes. PLEASE stop staring at my child when I poke her fingers. PLEASE stop staring at her pump site that's all wrapped in super sticky plastic tapes for swimming. PLEASE stop staring at the CGM attached just the same. PLEASE stop whispering behind my back. PLEASE don't give me your advice. PLEASE don't ask me stupid questions, because in the midst of all my worry I really might SNAP.

Swim meet day. Double the swim time. Double the stress and worry. Double the possibility of a low. I don't want to be that parent that pulls their child's lifeless body from the pool. I don't even want to think about that. But I cant stop the worry, the REAL possibility of what blood sugars may do on a day of swimming for multiple hours during competition. And...what will blood sugars do all the hours that follow?

I know people with Diabetes are athletes. I know people with Diabetes join swim teams, soccer, gymnastics, whatever the sport.... and do just fine. I know eventually you figure out what works and what doesn't. BUT. IT. WILL. REALLY. REALLY. SUCK. UNTIL. WE. GET. THERE.

Blog Week Day 6

Today is day 6....Diabetes snap shots! My FAVORITE!!!



OUR FIRST VIDEO CLICK HERE TO WATCH!!MY FAVORITE ONE!!














And THAT my friends, is Diabetes snapshots!

One of THOSE Mornings!

Today was one of those mornings, starting at the weeeeeee hours of Midnight of course! Yesterday evening I slapped on the CGM because I’ve been running way higher than is normal for me. Maybe it’s the stress of waiting to hear Maddison’s lab results? Maybe it’s the stress of imagining all kinds of terrible diseases waiting to be uncovered? (I’m guessing Maddie has a GH defiecieny, Hypothyroid or Celiac) So anyway, I need the CGM right about now. I got my first high blood sugar alarm (I set it at 180) just after I fell asleep after tossing and turning at 11pm. 268. WTF? I corrected and set my alarm for 1am since Maddison needed to be re-checked then anyway. Next thing I know its 12:30am and my pump is in a mad vibration alert with ALL the alarm bells ringing. 288. You get the deal. The CGM alarmed two more times between the normal alarm times for me to check Maddison. The cat must have been attracted to the alarms because he wouldnt stop pouncing on my feet! I’m tired and I’m grumpy today!

I really never know where one day ends and another begins I guess. Maddison woke up complaining about everything. I know you must think I complain all the time and Maddison gets it from me since I’m always a complaining blogger. Truth is, I don’t tolerate it in my house. Maddison can *sometimes* be talked out of her grumpiness by conversating about the things she loves, like her pets, Science or nature stuff. Today she was just mean and rolled her eyes at my efforts. –Sigh-

Nothing seemed to work right. All the little things. We were out of bread. How can you make Maddison’s daily PB sandwich without bread? On field day! The CGM showed a spike to 289 after my morning coffee. The cat ran outside and we couldn’t catch him, which caused the kids to be late for school. Maddison refused to eat her breakfast after being bolused, so I had to feed her Goldfish to get her to school on time. I got leg cramps while hiking on the treadmill, so I had to stop. My cell phone rang and my heart skipped several beats because I thought it was the Doctor calling with Maddison’s lab results. I got dizzy. Nope, not the call I’ve been waiting for, it was Hannah asking me to print a paper and bring it to school when I leave for work. That’s a whole nother issue in itself, Hannah and homework! The printer ran out of ink half way through. The cat chewed on plant and now I’m worried he will be poisoned. My Cgm continued to alarm. Jehovas Witness were knocking at the door AGAIN which made the dogs go bonkers and the birds squawk.

When I ran the papers to school, field day was happening. A Fire truck was blocking the parking lot which made me worry about Maddison. Which made me HATE Diabetes. I had to park a mile away! Then I got stuck behind a street sweeper which made me late for work. I had a phone meeting scheduled with our head doctor, and my pen wouldn’t work. TWICE. Doctors don’t like to repeat themselves! Then I was low while trying to process everything he was telling me. I must have sounded totally incapable! Its
11am and I’m still worried about my Maddison, not only because its field day, but because I know something is going on inside that little body of hers. I’m sure it is “just Celiac or “just her thyroid” but it still SUCKS. SUCKS and makes me want to cry for her! I’m HOPING it wont be one of these days ALL day!

Let’s get moving. Today's topic for blog week is EXERCISE!!!

“Exercise . . . love it or hate it? Do you have a regular exercise routine? Or do you have trouble finding your exercise motivation? How do you manage your insulin and food to avoid bottoming out during your workout?”

Did you know that my crazy house cleaning frenzies cause lows that come on quicker and last longer than time spent on the treadmill? Yard work? Yard work = killer lows for me. I think cleaning and yard work = exercise doesn't it? Luckily I've learned to to sip some OJ while I zoom around. Works every time!

I do LOVE my exercise! If I could walk or hike all day I would. My motivation is my iPod, all I need is a little music most days. Of course there are the lazy days or the bored days. All I gotta do is skip a days work out to realize the slow and tired feeling I have without it SUCKS and is a total DRAG. Gets me back to motivated every time. The way my clothes fit are motivating too. When my clothes get a little too tight its a reminder that my body NEEDS exercise to be healthy and slim. Seeing the results.....thats pretty motivating.

I sip Gatorade or have a juice box before hopping on the treadmill. That usually works perfectly for the time DURING the workout. Lately however, I'm back to running too high (130-240's all day) since PMS has decided to ENTIRELY change my insulin needs since my honeymoon ended in January. I still don't quite have PMS week figured out, especially when it comes to during the exercise and after. It used to be I'd have to reduce my basal rate by 50% for 8 hours and bolus HALF my carbs. I didnt even bolus for fruit back in the "easy" D days. That isn't working so well anymore! I cant seem to get my basals or the ratios right lately. So, I CGM to help manage my numbers. Seeing the trends are priceless, especially over night. I'm just coming back from a 3 week break of the CGM....but things are getting crazy with exercise and Diabetes again so the CGM is slapped back on as of last night. Cgm=145 meter=139 That's close enough me for!

Carbs. No high GI!

This is the fourth installment of Diabetes Blog Week. Some people believe a low carb diet is important in diabetes management, while others believe carbs are fine as long as they are counted and bolused for. Today we are supposed to talk about meals, snacks, special occasions... Whatever we deem food and bolus worthy.

First, I must say that there is a typical "diet" I follow most days. "Most" days being "workout days" during the 5 day work week. If I dont exercise in the mornings I tend to not care so much about what I eat all day. So, for the life of me I try my darnedest to stick to my workout on the week days to help with my food choices during the day. I eat lower carb (under 100) mainly on my workout days and get most of my carbs from fruits. I LOVE fruit and could survive on that alone! My main concern with ANY food is its GI index. Some foods I just wont eat because they are too high glycemic. (sugar candy, pretzels, some sauces, many cereals etc)I don't buy white bread or eat crackers or anything unless it is whole wheat. I LOVE Triscuits! Other than Triscuits I avoid anything "processed" or out of a box. I MUST have my fancy coffee creamer in my morning coffee. No opting out of that! It is my one indulgence that can never be changed, I don't care how high GI or processed it may be!

After my morning workouts I usually make a smoothie with milk, chocolate protein powder and a banana mixed in. Sometimes I mix in PB. Sometimes I go with a Vanilla protein powder and mix with yogurt, milk and frozen fruit. Just depends. If I'm really hungry I will add a slice of PB toast. I guess about 35-40 carbs...the key is a good balance if you ask me! If I'm lazy and don't work out in the mornings I usually eat an apple and almonds at my desk when I get to work. Or, maybe cheese and almonds. Yogurt and almonds. PB sandwich and milk. Soy nuts and some kind of fruit. I have alot of favorite combinations! On the weekends I eat whatever I feel for the day, not paying much mind to "good food" or "bad food" and I always eat a carby breakfast on Sunday since I make a super yummy one each week for the kids!Some mornings I wont eat at all. Some weekends, I may not eat until late afternoon. Depends on how busy I am.

I snack ALOT. PB and celery. Almonds, cheese sticks, apples, oranges, mangoes, pineapple, yogurt....mostly all low carb stuff, except for fruit...but I don't count fruit as a carb because its fruit!

Lunch is usually similar to breakfast since I work all week. I guess I eat the same stuff for lunch as I do for breakfast! Sometimes I will be super hungry and eat a Lean Cuisine (which still leaves me hungry!) or a turkey sandwich, tuna, wheat tortillas, soup, salad....I'm not really big on lunch since I snack every 2 hours. Dinner is my time.

We eat dinner as a family every night that Hannah doesn't have Vball practice. We make big yummy dinners. Chicken, Basmati rice, salads, steak, tacos, fajitas, rice and beans, casseroles, breads, shrimp dishes, spaghetti, potatoes...lots of veggies......All the yummy stuff you see on a menu at your favorite home cooking place. I eat whatever I want for dinner. Sometimes passing on the crescent rolls and such that the rest of the family eats. Sometimes. Once a week we usually have pizza, and I eat as much as I want!

I never say no to ice cream, cookies or other sweet yummies when they are in my house, so I dont buy them cuz I will eat them all! We make the occasional batch of cookies or brownies, but, I secretly throw away the left overs so I dont eat them the next day! I will avoid donuts and sweet breakfast items (especially when they bring them to work!) like they are the plague, because I will FEEL like I have the plague after I eat them. Maybe once every few months I will indulge in those super sweet iced coffees.....I LOVE them....but I dont love how I feel the rest of the day because I fail to gain back control of the high that crashes to a low. Some things just aren't worth it in the end! PMS....OH WATCH OUT! Ladies, you know. A week a month I want to eat EVERYTHING! All the "naughty" foods in HUGE portions! HUGE! I eat all day!! Some things you just let be. If my hormones force me to eat all the crazy things I don't typically eat I don't argue! Don't argue with a woman and PMS dang it! :)

Holidays? Party's? Its game on. No limit to what I eat. But, the same base rules apply. No high GI!

Oh...you were wondering about Maddison's Diabetes and eating? Ummmmm.....that I DID NOT want to discuss. Maddison is a picky eater and LIVES for sweets. She is allowed one sweet treat per day, no high GI!! She wont touch fruit unless it is an apple, and then she wants the peel off. The only veggie she will eat is Broccoli. She eats ALL of her food separate, not touching. That means if we have spaghetti she just has plain noodles. Casseroles? We make her meat separate from her carbs. No food can touch. Its ridiculous, and angers me to no end. Yes, I know she got this way because we "let" her. Yes, I've tried EVERYTHING to stop the insanity! She has issues far beyond what is normal. Trust me, this isnt normal kid pickiness!

The one meal you can predict for Maddison is breakfast. She is not "allowed" to have cereal in the mornings unless it is the weekend and I can manage the spikes and crashes it inflicts. Sugar free syrup only. No pop tarts, sweet cereal, muffins or any of that morning nonsense. Eggs, turkey bacon, waffles or pancakes with PB is the norm. No chocolate milk unless it is made with the 2c chocolate pack. No morning sweetness. No juice, just Orange Crystal Light! That's the rule MOST days. Of course I have days where I just dont have the time or energy to obsess about what she is eating. Maddison eats WAY too much crap from boxes. Goldfish, Gogurt, granola bars, graham crackers. I HATE that she eats out of boxes all day! Maddison gets all the same "treats" at school that all the other kids get when they have parties and such, no matter what her BS is. She needs to be a kid. BUT, I will never let her eat sweet candy or sweetened drinks just because she wants too. I advise her to make a better choice and save that candy when trending low. Lunch for Maddison at school is plain PB (wont try jelly) on whole wheat bread, milk, a 100% simply fruit roll up, and a cracker type carb. Maybe yogurt or gogurt or SF pudding. She drinks 2c Minute Maid "Just 10" drinks. No sweetened drinks allowed and no sweet treat allowed in her lunch because she will eat that and nothing else. I always put in apple slices or Broccoli, but I'm sure she throws it away! Some Fridays I will throw in a sweet treat if she's actually eaten her lunch all week. I always tell Maddison I would be more lax on the sweets if she actually ate a good balanced diet. Some day........

So, to sum it up....I do believe lower GI is the way to go. Lower carb? Not necessarily, but for me it keeps me thinking I'm healthier because I choose to do so. I think the typical "American Diet" today is disgusting and 80% of the food out there is pure crap, and yes, I'm guilty of buying it for my kids. Too many preservatives and empty additives in ALL our food, yet my T1 daughter is victim to all of it and it makes me nervous every damn time she eats! We too are a victim to busy living! I think fried foods should ALWAYS be avoided and we do avoid them for the most part....but, we have our days and occasionally MUST have those french fries! I think fruit and vegetables are THE MOST important thing to include in your diet. Good thing I LOVE them all!

D Bloggers Day 3

This is Day 3 of Diabetes Blog Week. Today, the topic is entitled "Your Biggest Supporter." As Karen pitches it: "Sure, our diabetes care is ultimately up to us and us alone. But it’s important to have someone around to encourage you, cheer you on, and even help you when you need it.

If I’m angry, scared, exhausted, heart broken or thrilled with Diabetes life, THEY are there in an instant, ready to pick me back up or cheer me on. In an instant!! All thanks to the DOC. (Diabetes online Community) My support network doesn’t end there…..FACEBOOK has become a place where all us D blogging moms blow off some steam, talk about some happiness when we kick D's butt, or ask questions if we need some QUICK advice. It just doesn’t get any better than this kind of support!

Back in the day when I was diagnosed with Diabetes I felt completely alone and confused. I WAS alone, with the exception of my Dad who understood what lay ahead for me living with this disease. But, my Dad was on old school NPH therapy and I was on Lantus. My Dad never had an Endo, and was never fortunate enough to learn the ins and outs of managing a disease that was far more complicated than his primary doctor made it out to be. I wanted to know EVERYTHING about Diabetes advances, for then my Dad was already on disability for blindness and kidney failure. The fear of Diabetes actually drove me to educate myself beyond what many seek to know. I knew medical technology had brought about better ways to manage Diabetes, so, I searched. It didn’t take long until I came across the websiteDiabetesforums.com. Everyone at this online support group took me in, listened to my concerns, validated my emotions and let me know that I WOULD be okay. They helped me manage my numbers and taught me EVERYTHING they knew since most already had 20+ years of living with Diabetes under their belts. Ask a question and the PATIENTS themselves had suggestions or answers, not some textbook doctor nonsense. This was the first online community that gave me hope and pulled me out of my dark and lonely place.

Then came Childrenwithdiabetes.com after Maddison was diagnosed. The feelings of having Maddison diagnosed 9 months after me were more overwhelming than any words could ever express. I was a MESS. I cried every day for weeks. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was so depressed and worried all the time that I was physically ILL. I even had to take time off work to gather myself. It was scary to say the least. The parents at the children with Diabetes forums were AMAZING. AMAZING! I cant count the days and hours I sat glued to the computer while they encouraged me and assured me my crazy emotions would pass, and life would be normal again. I cried with each and every response to my posts, each comment/response from them helping me feel less and less alone. I learned VERY quickly that Diabetes for kids is far more complicated than the honeymoon I was still going through. I learned more on this website from the PARENTS than I EVER could have dreamed of. In time, I felt prepared and ready to battle the daily challenges. Slowly, I moved on to the blogging community as my confidence and knowledge soared. It was time I help other parents know they are not alone in the feelings that come with a constant, chronic disease!

Now 4 years after Diabetes it is my D Mom bloggers that are my GREATEST SUPPORT, the greatest gift EVER in my life. (Besides my two children!) I can sit down at my computer and blog just when I’m ready to EXPLODE with emotions. I blog to let it all out. I really don’t have anyone to talk to after a long day with Diabetes because unfortunately, my husband just smiles and says it will be okay. That’s really not what I need to hear! The comments left by other D Moms on my blog are the highlight of my day. Comments from parents and adults that understand. Comments of encouragement when all I want to do is give up. Comments of cheer when we conquer the demon. So many cherished comments, each one PRICELESS. The D.O.C keeps me sane, motivated and free from ever feeling alone. We cry together. We celebrate together, the DOC is ONE! Love you guys!

Treating Lows

This is Day 2 of D-Blog Week created by the Diabetes Online Community. The second installment: Making Lows Go Away.

Lows are all very different, some creep up on you and hit you like a freight train. Some come on slowly and you only know they are there because your brain is processing things slowly. There are crashing lows and lows that just hang around without dropping. There are lows that are a result of a basal rate thats too high, and lows from over bolusing or counting carbs wrong for food or corrections given. Some lows allow you to continue on your merry way while treating, while others inflict horrid confusion, weakness, headaches, trembling and FEAR.

Another sucky kind of low are the ones that come after a high. You know the ones. The highs you've been correcting that dont budge, so you do what seems logical and over ride the pump suggestions bolusing MORE. Then you crash and end up cursing Diabetes. It really ticks you off. Its the worst of both worlds.

I personally have only had a few heart pounding lows over the past 4 years while sleeping. I'm a daytime low kind of girl. I think we all tend to over treat night time lows sometimes. Night time brings about a desperate need to ease our fears and stop the sweating and confusion during our sweet dreams. Juice is stashed in my dresser drawer along with glucose tablets and Glucagon. You never know.

Maddison tends to have alot of numbers that are lower than is safe for a sleeping child at night. "Drink Drink" is all I have to say to get Maddison sipping on juice straw all hours of the night. My goal of treating night time lows is to never have to wake my sleeping child. Thats why I choose juice at night for Maddie. If I wake Maddison up, she will then feel the low which sucks in itself. I also dont want Maddison to then be kept awake with needless worry of going back to sleep. If its a scary low (under 60) I may choose to grab the glucose tabs out of fear that she's dropping fast. You never know. Glucose tabs are also nice because they are only
4c....sometimes thats all it takes to bump up a low. Tabs also work fastest for us, probably because it is a dextrose sugar vs fructose. If Maddison is just trending low I reduce her basal to 0% for half an hour and recheck at that time. Trending lows also get some milk or PB for staying power. There is a very fine line between too many carbs for lows and not enough. Treatment of Maddies lows are pretty much based on the weekly trend or the activity level of the day.

Daytime lows for both Maddison and I are **typically** caught before they happen, because we ALWAYS try to check 2 hours after eating. The "active" insulin, or insulin still working to lower blood sugar after a meal, is tracked by the pump. THANK GOODNESS. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT PART OF PUMPING FOR US! If you see me asking for Maddison's pump when she is low it is because the active insulin tells me how low she is likely about to go. There is a BIG difference between a low with no "active" insulin and a low with tons of insulin still working.

If a low is already here and crashing we choose 100% juice (not apple, too slow) tabs or a hidden candy stash. Skittles work well since I can find them in tiny holiday packets, they have 12c which usually does the trick. If we have an impending low that isnt here yet, we have a snack starting with fruit (or something high GI like pretzels) and reduce the insulin given with it to balance out the low.

The lows that tell your brain to cause intense hunger feelings are treated with some very filling food. A good balance of carbs, protein and healthy fats does the trick and assures your body you are replenishing the crashing blood sugars. There is nothing worse than the starvation feeling you sometimes get when you are low. Your body literally signals you to shovel in the food because your brain is being starved of the vital glucose it needs to survive. I never ignore that feeling. If my body says pour in the food, I do. (which is probably why I've gained weight) Then of course you will have to bolus back some insulin after the risk of the low has passed. Its all about balance my friends. Balance.

Endo appointment

All day today I was looking forward to Maddison's Endo appointment. Her FANTABULOUS doctor has recently separated from the local Childrens Hospital and started her very own practice. I couldnt wait to see it! Dr D....you will here many of us AZ bloggers rave about our Endo, she is an amazing MOM of two very young boys on top of being the FANTABULOUS doctor that she is. She wanted it all, a practice caring for her patients that also allows her to be home with her children more often. (not to mention exiting the whole big practice drama) So she did it. Dr D is now in her own cute and comfy practice (closer to our house!) and her D families have followed her!

I was sure Maddison's A1c would be around 6.8% (140) since her daytime numbers have been so consistent and her appointment three months ago showed a 6.9% that I didnt expect. Nope. She's up to 7.0% which is GREAT....but that dang A1c is never one that I agree with. Oh well.

The new office paperwork had a section to list any concerns. Where should I start? I listed the same concerns I've listed for the past 3 years. Lack of growth and stomach pain. Maddison is already considered "Short Stature" but this time my concern is her recent rapid weight gain. A weight check confirmed, Maddison's gained 8lbs since her last visit three months ago. Yep. I knew it. I'm also wondering if she's going to be in need of a training bra very shortly. I'm not sure if thats the weight gain or puberty making an early entrance, but either way it freaks me out. This can't be happening. Maddison is barely 4ft tall and appears to be much younger than the 9yrs and 9 months she is. She'll tell you all the time how she is SO tired of being called the little kid. I've put off my concerns for months now....but Dr D confirmed.

After mentioning Maddison even looks a little "puffy" and is about to fall off her growth curve for height, (1%) Dr D ordered extensive lab work including another Celiac panel and Thyroid work up although Maddisons last labs a few months ago came back negative for antibodies. What was negative a few months ago could be highly positive today.

I'm sure its her Thyroid, I just didnt actually expect Dr D to agree. I've seen SOMETHING coming for a long time, more so recently, but, denial is real. Just like when Diabetes was making its move into our lives.

In the morning I'll be taking Maddison in for her fasting tests, but you know what? I'll take a thyroid disorder over other more complicated diseases and disorders any day. If we can do Diabetes, we can do this.

Being the attentive, concerned and compassionate person that Dr D is, she also took time to give her condolences for the loss of my Dad. Dr D knows some of my Dads medical history, and mentioned she knew he was "too young." "64" I told her as she asked me what happened to my Dad... I kept it short, even though by now I was feeling very overwhelmed and wanted a private counseling session after the whole review of Maddison's new concerns. Dr D was taken back with sorrow as I told her all the problems my Dad had in that hospital, her compassion for others is sincere and runs deep. Her voice now quivering with sadness, she told me of her own heartbreaking hospital situation with her own Father in law. Because thats the kind of person she is. She cares. She understands, and she always takes time to validate your feelings. I think we could have both cried together right then and there. I could never say enough how I cherish this woman being Maddison's Endo. That feeling in itself today could have been enough to bring tears to my eyes. Todays Endo appointment turned out to be an emotional roller coaster ride for me today!

Now this. All the what if's until Maddison's blood work comes back. I'm saddened that we had to discuss these concerns in front of Maddison in the office today, causing her needless worry and questions of what may be lying ahead. Now, we wait.

A days work with Diabetes x's 2

"A Typical Day in The Life With Diabetes" is the first assignment for Diabetes Blog Week. For D-Blog Week, Karen challenged the diabetes blogging community with a week's worth of blog prompts. Today is "A Day on the Life," so, this is how a typical 24 hour day in our house with Diabetes goes.....

A typical Monday

6:30am The alarm clock sounds. Two excited Goldens jump on the bed to make sure I'm up. Diego does his annoying whining thing to let me know its time to play ball. Roxy just wants to cuddle. I stick both needy dogs outside to potty.

6:35am Check Maddison's BS. Maddison is in range 95% of the time by 6:35am!! YAY! I do a silent cheer! If this is an unusual morning and Maddison wakes up high, you will catch me saying some meanie words to Diabetes while fighting the urge to crawl back in bed. So, if Maddison happens to be high I have to ask her to check her urine ketones. If any ketones at all or her site is on at least day 3 we will change it. If not, I just curse Diabetes for being a drag today. By now Maddison knows she's high and she'll start complaining about all kinds of aches and pains. Then I have to decide if she's just trying to get out of school or is does she really feel that icky. I give her a glass of orange crystal light regardless, correct the high by her pump if needed. If Maddies number is REALLY high I prebolus a good portion of her breakfast and pray that she eats it. Thats a high morning. Some mornings Maddison may need to sip some juice if she's too low. If she wakes up in range I'm a happy momma who worries less about what the day will bring. I always check her pump tubing for air bubbles, then turn on the TV and make my first attempt to wake her by enticing her with Animal planet of course! Then I proceed to the kitchen with meowing kitten following, dodging his efforts of chewing on my feet. Pop my yuck-o instant coffee in the microwave. Check my own blood sugar, hopefully not cursing out loud when the number shows up. Bolus for coffee. Time to wake up Hannah. Climb in bed with my grumpy teen who pleads for just a few minutes more. Listen to her freak out about the cat who is now pouncing on her feet. Give her a hug and HOPE I dont have to come back to wake her, which will then lead to grumpiness and my blood sugar will surely spike.

6:45am Let the dogs in, throw the ball a few times and head outside to check out the Aviary birds. Chase the cat to bring him back inside. Throw the ball a few more times.

6:50am Sip my coffee and check email. Start commanding kids out of bed. Straighten up whatever mess is left from the night before. . Plead with Maddison to STOP complaining about how school is so "dumb" and warn her at least twice that she will have a consequence if she doesnt be QUIET and get moving.

7:20am Make breakfast. Bolus the rest of Maddison's carbs. Chit chat and distract Maddison by talking about her favorite things so she isnt whiny. Remind Hannah 100 times where she left her shoes, her hairbrush etc. Throw in some laundry. Feed the fish. Pack lunches with carb counts and a snack if Maddison has PE.

7:45am Stretching. Commanding kids to hurry up making sure they have everything for the day.

7:55am Drop them off at school.

8:05am HOME! Finish stretching. Drink 8c of juice, check my BS and jump on the treadmill. Leaving Maddison in the care of the school nurse all day doesnt mean I dont wonder how she's doing. Nearly every hour I glance at the clock, wondering how she is doing now. Maddison checks her blood sugar two hours after breakfast in the nurses office, then an hour and a half later before lunch. Then again at 2pm. I will be called at first notice of any number under 60 or any number that is unusually high. (over 300)

8:30am Start circuit weights. Check my BS. Drink more juice. Wonder how Maddison's doing at school.

9:15am Check BS. Turn down basals for 8 hours. Take the inside birds outside to the aviary for the day. Throw the ball a few times. Clean up the kitchen. Check the laundry. Jump in the shower.

9:30am All done getting ready for work. Make my fruity protein shake and gather my things for work. Out the door. Fight the urge to call the school nurse.

10am Sitting at my boring desk job chasing insurance companies that suck while keeping an eye on my email hoping the nurse doesnt have crazy numbers to report. All day I glance to see if the nurse emailed me! Its terrible! Check my cell phone to make sure its working. What if the nurse is trying to call me!!??

11:30am Check my BS if I havent had to already for a low. Eat an apple and almonds with a cheese stick or yogurt.

1:30pm Check my BS if I havent had to already for a low. Eat lunch.

2:30pm Leave work to meet Maddison at the bus stop.

3:15pm Watch Maddison skip down the street. School wasnt so bad afterall I guess! Get school updates and new gossip from Hannah. Check Maddison's BS log from the day and decide if she needs a snack or to be checked. Make a plan...take Maddison to volunteer right away or does she watch TV or have computer time while I zoom around cleaning and preparing dinner? Maybe a bike ride or a walk first. All depends on when Maddison is ready to volunteer.

4:30pm Check my blood sugar. Check Maddison's blood sugar. Drop Hannah off at Volleyball practice, go to my moms and make dinner. Help Maddison with her homework. Chit chat and enjoy dinner with Mom while trying not to think about how we miss my Dad dearly.

7:00pm Pick up Hannah. Feed Hannah and the husband dinner. Do dishes, homework, prepare for the next day. More laundry. More cleaning. Direct Maddison to take her bath. Check the pump tubing after her bath to make sure no bubbles decided to form. Make the rounds to assure Maddison tended to all her pets. Spend some time online. Look over BS numbers and decide what needs to be adjusted, if anything.

9pm Read Maddison's bedtime story and listen to her concerns of the day. Check both our sugars. This is where the night gets tricky. If Maddison still has a bit of insulin on board from dinner and she is under 130 she stays up until 9:30 when I recheck. If she is high she is safe to go to bed and I continue to check her BS every hour or two until her BS is around 130. If Maddison is under 100 going to bed she sucks down some juice or has a tiny snack. I will recheck in about 20 minutes. If Maddison was crazy running wild outside after school she gets a temp basal. If Maddison's BS is under 70 she stays awake until she is at least 90 and I go from there hoping to not have to give my sleeping child juice.

10pm Maybe Maddison is in range by now and I can sleep. If not, back to the chores and internet I go until I recheck again.

12am Bolt out of bed wondering why Diabetes doesnt sleep like they say it does. Check Maddison's blood sugar. Do whats needed. Check my own if I feel like it. Stay awake to chase numbers if I have to.

3am Check Maddison's blood sugar. Stay awake chasing more numbers if I have to.

5am If Maddison was high or under 100 at 3am, I wake up to recheck.

6:30am Here we go again!

Thats an EASY day in the life of Diabetes. I think next we should post about a "sick" day with Dibetes, because those are the days that REALLY put us to the test and become scary.

May

I can't believe its May already! I'm in total freak out mode! Mainly I'm freaked out about my Hannah going to HIGH SCHOOL next year! Need I say more? For some reason, Hannah going to high school also makes me feel OLD. Like, I'm having a midlife crisis old! I know I'm not even 33 yet, but man, am I feeling old!

You know how one day you look in the mirror and think "OMG, who the hell is that?" Well, that's where I'm at lately. I LOOK old. Old and tired. I know Diabetes plays a big part of me looking so old! We all know Diabetes = no continuous sleep at night. I can SEE it catching up with me lately since Maddison hasn't really had a predictable night for months. Tired is normal for me.....but FEELING OLD.....that's a new one.

Maddison's numbers have been ((KNOCK ON WOOD)) fantabulous during the daytime with great predictability. Most nights she does well too, but I'm still not sure she is safe from going too low....Ive been watching night time basals for months now and still have yet to find a "safe" number to leave her at so I can sleep a good stretch without worry. Every night is different it seems, which brings me to the next MAY issue that I'm freaking out about.....SWIM TEAM!

Ohhhhhhhh swim team!!!! Signing Maddison up for the swim team is saying GOODBYE to the last few weeks of fantabulous blood sugar numbers and HELLO to lows and highs. There is just no way around it. Signing up for swim team is inviting CHAOS back into my days and nights. Maddison will be training Monday through Thursday with competitions on Saturdays. I can already see myself nervously watching pool side while Maddison swims her heart out. Other parents are gonna think I'm a freak! I'm sure the those first few weeks of training I will be clinging to the edge of the pool watching for signs of a low like a paranoid weirdo. I'll be a nervous wreck, not to mention Maddison trains at 6pm......right after dinner and bedtime shortly after! How will I sleep all summer?

Summer and swimming has always proven to throw me for a loop, even without a competitive swim team. Typically, my kids swim twice a day in the summer if not HOURS a day. Swimming all day (our pump isn't water proof) means I have to reconnect Maddie's pump ever so often to give her insulin. But how often? Is Maddison just going to be relaxing in the water or is she playing Mermaids and Pirates, zooming around in the depths of the pool? If she swims right after eating (with insulin on board (IOB)) does she need some Gatorade to keep from going low? Active insulin while being super active = scary crashing lows. Will she feel it when her little heart is pounding from the excersize anyway? Maybe we just need extra protein? Less bolus? Half a bolus? NO bolus? Will her site fall off AGAIN today? I hate seeing her swollen skin where super adhesives keep her site stuck in the summer. UGH. Swimming is so much damn work with an insulin pump!

Last year Maddison had lows right after swimming, then highs 3-5 hours later. Then lows again 8-12 hours after swimming. I couldn't figure anything out because swimming also equals a hellacious appetite! Continuous eating! Was it the ratio or the basal that caused this low or high? Missed basal while disconnected? Maybe the sensitivity factor. Who the hell knows? I just managed each day as the numbers came. Nothing was predictable the entire summer it seemed! Sure, if Maddison swam exactly the same way each day I could have figured it out. I even logged the duration AND intensity of the swimming EVERY SINGLE DAY. How crazy is it that I tracked my kids every move in the summer and never learned a damn thing!!?? Maddison always has the highest A1c's in the summer because I cant figure out a damn thing with all the activity, eating and lack of structure! Sleep in? YEP! Stay up late? YEP! Run wild in the neighborhood for hours with all the neighbor kids? YEP! Summer IS a ton of fun....but I'm never ready to say goodbye to predictability. I'm not sure if I'm more freaked out about high school or swimming. How sad is that?

I've had nothing but lows lows lows lately. I'm about to slap the CGM back on, but I need the sensors for Maddison's summer ahead! I'm on an 9 week stretch of actually sticking to my normal morning workouts (I go into work an hour later now to fit it in!) so my metabolism must be kicking back into gear. I'm back down to just 5 units of basal a day like when I used to be at my goal weight and worked out daily. Just 5 units of basal and I'm still having lows! Speaking of my mid life crisis feelings....Being in my 30's now the extra mush areas don't come off as easily as they used to. ICK. Darn Christmas cookies!

May has brought about too many school projects. Too many parties and too much stress for me! Hannah starts two different sand volleyball leagues the end of this month. Did you know it will soon be over 100 degrees every day and up to 118 by July? YEP. 2 on 2 sand Volleyball in AZ. Its pure torture. Hannah is also starting a week long volleyball camp to prep for the high school team. I think all I do all summer is taxi my kids around. Talk about a difference from how I lived as a kid. May is quite a month. The summer is always quite an experience. No wonder the summer goes too darn fast!

Hiking and Trending

Josh and Maddison just set out for a morning hike. I'm taking the opportunity to stay home and clean this tornado of a house, plant a new garden and do some yard work...even though....I would rather go with them. I LOVE the outdoors. I LOVE a good morning hike. But, Maddison and her Dad need some time alone together...AND Maddison and I need the break from each other. (not to mention Dad needs the time to manage D himself)

I'm the main D care giver. I manage all doses. Record all logs. Count all carbs, correct all day and all hours of the night. Maddison doesnt have anyone other than the school nurse who knows her Diabetes. That just leaves me, so, I worry when she's away from me, even with her Dad. I KNOW she will be fine. I know he's totally aware of caring for Diabetes. He's fabulous. BUT, he doesnt know her trends for this week. This week isnt the same as last week, and isnt the same as next week.(unless by some fat change things decide to "stabilize" for awhile!) You can't always treat lows the same. You cant always treat highs the same. Its experience from the trends that are happening NOW that determined what I decide in the moment I see a low or high number. All this makes me realize Maddison needs to start paying attention to what she needs for TODAY. She needs to be able to help make decisions when she is away from me about treating a low or a high based on her trends. Trending is what its all about my friends!

Josh doesnt really have the hands on experience to know how activity like hiking, biking and swimming effects her blood sugars. Sure, he hears me tell him what Maddison's blood sugars are like this week....but, that doesnt really mean much when you aren't actually managing it. 12-15 blood sugar checks a day combined with adjusting doses, watching the IOB....that is the only way you learn about Diabetes and what it needs for today. This week Maddison is trending low and has had many snacks to avoid them. Add to that 5u of insulin on board from breakfast, a morning hike, a week of trending low....you gotta be on top of it to avoid lows. I hate lows!

I set a temp basal on Maddison's pump and increased her ratio for today's hike. Thats the best we can do. I can't wait to hear all about their hike and see the pictures they take. Until then, I will stay busy and try not to wonder whats happening in that little body of Maddison's while she's skipping up the trail. Even when our D kids arent with us we still wonder what the day holds for blood sugars. Some day, I hope to not wonder anymore. Some day, I hope to the greatest depths of my soul that we find the CURE.